Pine Boxes

Pine Boxes.

“Don’t need nothin’ more than a plain ole pine box to meet your maker. We all be naked at them gates, Janey Girl.”

Papaw built pine boxes. For Christmas one year he made me a small pine box for under my pillow. For my worries.

The next year a bigger one for my night table. The older a person gets means the bigger the worries. I decided I didn’t wants to get too old, ‘cause the pine boxes Papaw made for old Mr. Fellows were always man sized. ‘Magine all the worries you could fit in there.

“He be coming Janey—you best be getting on now.”

Mrs. Hubbard always said, “He be coming.” Only I don’t know who he is. Her hair was white like Christmas snow. She always wore her black button-up sweater backwards. Everybody said she was crazy. My mama told me once never to point and whisper.

“Be bad manners Janey-girl.”

I wondered if “bad manners” and “He” had any connection.

“Janey-girl – He be coming for sure--this time. Feels it in my bones.” Mrs. Hubbard wheezed as she swept the snow off the walk.

I nodded.

I still didn’t know who “He” was and settled for myself it’d be bad manners to ask.

The next morning I rode into town with Papaw, a pine box, fresh and pale, in the bed of his old Ford. We pulled up in front of Mrs. Hubbad’s. Boot prints matting down the snow on her walk.

“He came for her Janey-girl. Her maker came for her last night.”

I look at the pine box. I guess once “He” arrives you’s gots no more worries to carry about.

I stayed in the truck.

Glad my worries still fit in the small pine box, clutched tightly in my hands.

Better off Dead

Better off Dead

“And then, of course, it jams.”

“Well, you know, for this very reason I like to know what I am getting into.”

“I know, but man, do I love how she stretches every morning, lithe, like a sleek cat. I told her from the beginning I was going to someday disappoint her.”

“I guess she doesn’t believe in that ‘forgive and forget’, she went straight for wanting you dead.”

“Surprisingly she is amazingly low maintenance, in a classic sense anyway.”

“I have heard and seen some amazing shit, man, but this I’ve gotta to tell you, this freaks me out.”

“You should have seen her. She was so hot. Standing there. Still as a statue. My breathe caught. I knew in that moment she was the girl I was going to marry.”

“She wanted you dead.”

“If she wanted me dead, she would have tested the gun, before she tried to fire it at me, across a crowded bar.”

“Tested it how? Shoot it into a pillow or the garbage can in the subway on the way to the bar.”

“She was dressed in a rocking mini skirt, purple fishnets and her black latex mini trench coat. Legs up to here, in her knee high black laxtex boots.”

“So since she was dress like the star of sci-fi porno, you think that means she would have tested out the gun, before she showed up, dressed to the nines to kill you?”

“Yeah, not only is she the sharpest dressed woman I know, she is the smartest too.”

“I know I’ve said this before, but you really need to rethink this. You bailed her out, that is enough. No need to buy her a ring.”

“All ready done.”

“I hope to God this never happens to me.”